4am

that’s what time I wake up everyday and go through my morning ritual of meditating and journaling. I have an intensely packed schedule filled with clients + classes that would continue on till the late evening.

I mentor kids every week with the start2finishonline.org organization in Regent Park and serve + prep community meals every month with nonninastable.org

My days are long and sometimes exhausting, don’t get it wrong, I love what I do, and love spending time and contributing to the community, but what good is a exhausted coach? How can you show up big if you are running on empty.

One of my goals of 2018 is to practice more compassion towards myself through selflove + selfcare.

There’s a lot of talk around Self Care + Self Love.

Sometimes it’s used interchangeably, but there is a difference, and one can actually hinder the other if practiced blindly. We all need to be nourished; mentally, physically, emotionally, and energetically.

What I discovered is that #selflove begins internally and finishes externally. Self love is a dialogue and relationship we have with ourself. There’s this line in Lauryn Hill’s song (That Thing – circa late 90’s aka the peak of hip hop + R&B)

“How you gonna win when you ain’t right within?”

That line speaks volumes, how can you give love if you don’t have love for yourself. You cannot authentically give what you do not have.

There have been may times where I have said to myself:

“You f**ked up”

“You should have shown up better than you did”

“You’re an idiot”

SELF LOVE is a continuous process, we’re unable to completely rid the obstacles but we are able to shift our response to it.

It’s about accepting who you are, exercising self compassion, being kind and sometimes it’s as simple as just being a “NO” to things.

Then there is Self Love’s homie Self Care.

Self care are external resources we experience, I lift, practice yoga, float, and even enjoy a treat meal.

For some this may mean getting a massage, getting your nails done, splurging on something you really desire. These are all external elements that evoke a sense of well being, joy, or happiness. These things aren’t necessary per se but definitely make the process more palatable.

We need to be mindful that our self care needs don’t sabotage our self love and our growth.

Amid challenges or difficulty we may seek out self care sources, which is natural. What becomes problematic is when these self care needs begin to hinder our progress and inhibit growth.

When I couldn’t even ball on a budget and I was strained financially, I justified the need for self care but at what cost?  Is it progression or is it really regression?

In retrospect, now that I can finally ball on a budget I believe it comes down to harmonizing what is needed and not taking advantage of self care “feel good” actions.

When we lack in any real formidable action, and the only action taken is through self care. We halt progress, we halt growth,  we justify and validate the “work” that doesn’t even work.

Are you really loving yourself and treating yourself the way you should.  Consider, is it a thing of “Right now” that is needed that will better serve you or is it the difficulty that cultivates growth is what needed in the moment.